The Problem with Human Products

            I’ve been to L.A. three times now, and I have yet to see a celebrity. It just seems like something that people are supposed to do when in L.A./Hollywood, but it’s yet to happen for me. You’d think it would, considering the slightly cheesy name of their soccer team. In fact, there are certain default questions you’re asked when you travel to certain places. If you go to New York, you can expect to be asked the following: “Did you see the Statue of Liberty? How about the Empire State Building? World Trade Center?” Ironically I did none of those things when I was last in New York, but that’s beside the point. When you go to L.A., one of the questions you’re asked is if you saw anyone famous, as if it’s such a common occurrence.

            I’m not too sure that I’m affected by the fact that I have yet to see a celebrity in person. It seems to me that every time I hear of someone meeting a celebrity out of the blue, specifically not at an event where they’re expected to meet and greet, the person is disappointed. A coworker of mine who lives in southern California recently told me that some of her friends have actually seen celebs at the gym. Basically, her friends saw them in normal environments being normal people. What really struck me however, was the fact that she said that her friends were underwhelmed when they saw them. Apparently they just weren’t what they imagined they’d look like in person.

            Obviously, the stars not shining as bright as the friends of my coworker thought had to do with the sweat, body heat, and raw humanity that are ubiquitous in gyms. If you show up to the gym wearing high quality clothing (or at least such that’s not designed for absorbing sweat), or in full make-up, you’re clearly going to distinguish yourself in a bad way. So to assume that a famous person would follow the same general unwritten rules of society in the gym isn’t that big of a leap.

            All that’s to say that when you remove the designer clothing, makeup, and hair stylists, these people actually look normal. They still might be gifted with certain physical attributes, such as good height, a symmetrical face, and good genes for aging; but a lot of what makes them look exceptional is the help of the people backing them up and marketing them. They’re human products.

What might be the biggest problem with that is that people end up feeling like they can relate and lead similar lives, but that’s just unrealistic. I read the autobiography of Slash from Guns N’ Roses and Velvet Revolver when I was in high school. There was one point in the book that Slash fell asleep in a class in high school and flipped over his teacher’s desk when the teacher woke him up and made an example of him. He was expelled and went on to become a world famous and extremely successful musician. As much as I would’ve liked to go down the same path, there was no way I would get away with that. The funny thing is that I was still tempted to do that when I was in class after reading that chapter. Yes, Slash was a rock star, but I rationalized that he was once bored in class like me and he turned out fine when he did something about it. My rationale was, “If Slash could do it, why not me?”

When simply asked out loud, my rationale from that time sounds absolutely ridiculous. It was definitely one of those things that sounded better in my head. Yet don’t a lot of people do that? Don’t they rationalize that if this celeb from a random midwestern suburb can turn out happy and successful, they’ll turn out fine as well? We never really see every process that turns these human-coals into diamonds. People see these products that are still human beings, and they feel that they can relate. It’s something else entirely when people run into these products after they’ve reverted to coal to go to the gym.

I’d still like to see some famous people in L.A. someday though. If nothing else, I’d be able to brag about the experience. However, it’s still disconcerting to think that not everyone realizes that these human products that you see on TV are supposed to be relatable, but not people you emulate. Maybe someone sees the moms on Teen Mom, and find comfort.

Or maybe they see those moms and think that everything will turn out okay if they get pregnant early.